Where there is no struggle, there is no strenght. — Oprah Winfrey

I feel like we’ve been fighting our whole lives. I feel like the universe is against us, out to get us. And sometimes it does get us, and drags us down. Way down. But we struggle and fight to survive, we struggle to fight our way back to the surface. We may make it, and may even stay there for a little while. But sooner or later, the demons catch up to us and drag us back under again.

“Who will fix me now, dive in when I’m down, save me from myself? Don’t let me drown.” — Bring Me The Horizon

Of course, these are the thoughts of my troubled mind, my anxiety ridden mind. When I’m in my right mind I know that these thoughts aren’t true. Yes, we have struggled, but everyone does. Our lives aren’t so different from others, and there are plenty of people who have it worse than us. But when something happens, when the rug gets pulled out from under us, like it seems to whenever things are looking especially bright, if feels like we might drown. It feels like we might want to drown. The will to live just goes right out. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to do anything to hurt myself. I grew up without a mom and I would never wish that on my worst enemy, much less my sweet, sensitive, spunky little mama’s boy. I don’t want to kill myself. But I also sometimes feel like I don’t want to live. Like taking one more breath is more than I can bear.

 

Fortunately I am surrounded by two guys who love me more than words can say, and they help remind me to keep on breathing, and keep on fighting. They remind me that things have been worse, and have gotten better, and they will get better again. They keep me going, they give me a reason to live. I’m so thankful for them, because some day, life will get better again.